Monday, February 26, 2007

the 20piFF hour...

now, with black history monf' on its 25'ff hour, plus my flat out lost of a bet to Russell that John Brown would win the "White Rapper Show", i thought i'd start this blog off w/this powerful piFF/gift for Russell and you fine folks.. roll the tape..

that is nothing short, of pure genius. now onto other things. Minority Report is finally on shelves. this time- i'm not kidding though. no hold ups with production, delivery, etc.. them shyts is at Listen Skateboards, and been shipping all week to any and all distibutors. i'd personally like to thank Mirko, Glenn @ Chapman, Jim Theibaud @ Deluxe, Kayo, Slap magazine(check out the video review in their newest issue, as well as a upcoming 8-10pg editorial), plus everyone else who's come to the premiers. also, the filmers, and anyone else who's been supportive. really quick- y'all should check out my man Tony Montgomery's part in the new City Video. actually, if you go to the City website, you can see the entire video for free. why? i dunno.. but you can. and if you havent heard, Dave Carnie has a blog now! he also owns a cell phone! welcome to the 21st century Dave. i'll be back to kick your ass on your own dart board by weeks end.. ill bring Guitar Hero too. shyts tits..... jeah!

oh shyt! i just remembered, i walked in snow the other day! what? i've never been in the snow before... im dead ass serious! man, i was walkin around Philly, lookin like the Abom'Nigble Snowman out this bitch! best thing about being in the snow- either seeing girls with that snow white, walrus mustache that instantly applies to their facial region, or watching a dog breathe smoke. you know its cold, when you see a fukkin dog, blowin smoke rings!

the other day, i bought this book, read it in a few hours, and plan to read this one tonight.. yeah. got that original, 1944 print. 13th edition too... jeah! dont worry. one day, it'll all make sense to you. as for today, you're still bookless, and lack decent conversation about anything other than what someone said one VH1. oh yeah- i've been working on a book. did i mention imma be back in Cali in les than 48hrs..? only this time, i'll be handling some bi'ness, while consecutively doing the Heisman on particular people i really don't care to mention. also, for the first time in almost a year, ladies and gentleman- piFFs gettin a photo ID. why? well obviously because i "need" one, but mainly because i spent $120 going back & forth(4 times) to Philadelphia's airport, faxing shyt, talking to complete fucktards, only in the end to be finally told- i need a photo ID. oh well. it was fun while it lasted... think im mad? Ha! im saying. how could i be "mad", when theres classic piFF like this going on in the world...

gaaaaaawdamn.. that was so good, even though it aint even time yet- im gonna go ahead and start celebrating whyte people, before everyone else does. folks, i have here, in this very blog- the future of whyte America. people, this is what can happen if your child OD's on BET. roll the tape....

hold on.. @ the 1:45 point, did they "do the Matrix with it"?! gaaaaawdamn! so, since black history monf's gonna be over in a few hours, is it safe to say i love these girls? i have no idea how i never meet girls this cool, but if you're whyte, and you can dance this good, please holla at piFF. and all you whyte people who think this is "stupid"- you probably just mad cause they styled on you. im out. RC's been kickin my ass in this MLB2K7.. i would supply the screenshot, but to be honest- i dont even think the shyts out yet .. before i go- thanks again to RC, KT, Afficial, o'neals, Nocturnal, Sean "the Flyin Hawaiian" Kelling, Frank White, 33 and pretty much everyone in the city of Philadelphia besides the staff at Delta. yall be easy, and once again- Minority Report is out right now!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Esk'nigmoes & other ig'nant shyt

in yesterdays blog, i questioned if there were a such thing as a Black eskimo. after doing some extensive research(i googled it..), ladies and gentleman- i present some Esk'nigmoes..
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

now tell me that aint some black folks. think not? ok, if you closely examine the photo, not ONE of those folks is standing within a 10ft reach of them dogs. and that, my friend, is the first sign of "blackness". then, if you look closer, you can even see the one dude on the left, gettin the fukk up outta there! that nikkuh was like, "un-uh... yall aint puttin me close to that big ass, werewolf!" bwaaahahahahahahaha. shout out to the Esk'nigmoes though. yall do the damn thaing, and holla if yall need a hookup on some wicker furniture for the crib'loo... or whatever yall call them shyts.

onto some ig'nant shyt. so Pacman Jones decides, not only is he going to Vegas for last weeks All-Star festivities, but he's also gonna take 81 thousand dollars in ones, and make it rain them hoes at the skrip club.. on some real shyt- who the fukk has 81k, in ONES! and call me crazy, but if you "making it rain" with 81 thousand dollar bills, doesnt that officially make it a "tundra" on them hoes? i thought so.. back to this ignorant, arcade named bum. from what i understand, he made it "rain on them hoes", and when the all stretch marks came to a halt, Pacman saw someone gobbling up his pellets, and smashed her head like any good dude would do. moral to this story- watch the all-star game from your crib, and if you wanna "make it rain", make it rain on a hoe thats going to the sto' for some beers. or you coulda been at home laughing at this, powerful piFF.. this shyt will never get old... roll the tape

hold on.. did he just call 50cent, "Bugs Monkey"?!?! bwaaahahahahahaahahahah.. this shyt should be on tv, weekly. these is classic. see, the simplest things in life can often be the funniest. like the name curtis, elongated for example. Cuuuurrrtttiissss! yeah, i know its childish, but i figure why grow up now. shyt, i been on spring break since '94, you think im 'bout to stop now? im out. big weekend, and a even bigger week next week. by the way- MINORITY REPORT IS OUT TODAY. jeah!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

who's losing the human race..? seriously?

what do you do, when you have a video premier, and your master DVD's(plus all clothing you brought into town) at your friends house, and he doesnt answer the phone? me? i go to the venue where the video was to be w/a fine ass bird, and have some chicken wayngs & Jack. see, i don't know how yall do it, but i keep shyt moving. unlike this crazy bitch
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

what happened to this girl? seriously. first she marries a arrogant, untalented wigger. then she shaves her dome. now, shes beating up cars with umbrellas. God bless white people. at this rate, between this bitch, Flava of Love, and I Love New York, i cant tell who's losing harder in the human race. the only people who haven't played themselves to a redunkulous public audience, are Eskimoes. by the way- are there black Eskimoes? it's nikkuhs in Alaska, bangin on sleds 'n shyt?! i heard of Black pirates doing drive-bys in canoes in the Bering Strait, but black Eskimoes...? nah. really quik. why am i the last person in the world to see this piFF? roll the tape

why wasnt he on the White Rapper Show? can someone answer that? oh! i got more piFF. here ya go..

im sorry to inform yall, but thats possibly the best skateboard commercial to date. the worst part is, those are the worst shoes in the world. well. Black Sheep's a close second. whoops. did i say that. fortunately, i did. well i gotta get up outta here. gotta run up to NY, and meet w/the folks of the Afro-Punk Film Festival. yup. Minority Report in a this years festivities.. not a bad look huh? ill keep yall posted on the details. until then, be easy.. jeah!

Friday, February 16, 2007

this is one hour of my life....

so... in case you're wondering what i've been up to, ill give you the last hour of my life. i woke up at dont-worry-bout-her-names studio, and her boyfriend was on her way over. uh-oh. so as im exiting, i realize that i'd given away the shirt off my back to the owner of Django last night, and to my luck- its 30degrees here in Atlanta. By the way, I'm in Atlanta. so here i am with a fukkin tanktop, a LRG track jacket, the wind chills making it about 15degrees, and to top it off- my little brother picked today out of all days to go to work. perfect. so i decide to go hang out at Stratosphere. why? oh yeah- theres a enraged boyfriend 2 minutes behind me, its 30 degrees, and i don't have a t-shirt. to my luck, when i get to the shop, i realize i've lost my power adapter to my Mac. there was no reason to look for anything else of importance, because it would only get me madder at this point. so im chilling in the shop, and in walks my little brothers friend Alphonzo. I like Alphonzo. he drinks like a fish, he's always laughing, and today he was a SuperHero of sorts. he asks do i wanna go by where he works to hang, drink some beers, and use the net. little did i know he works at Turner Studios. Jeah! its on again! the owner of the studio just walked in and asked what kinda beer do we want. bwaaaaahahahahahahha. i just can't lose it seems. im outta here. i got life to live, beer to drink and mad boyfriends to duck. ill be back, but who knows when. but remember, when i do- the stories will only get piFFer.

before i go, did i mention that Lil Jon was on my flight up here from Miami? well he was. and so was Ron Artest, and that dude Haslam from the Heat. wonder who's gonna walk in this studio in the next five minutes is a good thought though. im really out this time... jeah!

Monday, February 05, 2007

the first 24..

last week i decided im gonna come back to jacksonville. this time around, i planned to stay at the beach w/my friend Jason. Lucky me, Jason's a DJ and his girls a bartender. now look. we're only 6 weeks into the year, but i'll go on record and say- this is couple of the year. so my trip starts when i run into LAX 20 minutes before my flight, once again- w/no ID. actually. no lemme back up. my trip started when i got the message from Dalgart about doing a interview over @ Lat34. for those who arent familiar w/Lat34, let piFF school you on whats good. Lat34 is a AOL-based networking site, & also the home of a new blog ill be doing. jeah! so a 1/4 of piFF, one interview, and a few phone calls later, i get to the airport. there i was, 20 minutes before departure with no ID, and once again- i was escorted to my flight. don't ask me. ask the government. this is where things took a turn, and a drop, for what seemed to be the end of my existence. for some reason, the pilot decided that he could make it to Atlanta in less time than it would take to watch the Super Bowl. the only problem with that decision was at 2hrs & 50 minutes into the flight, we hit either a spaceship, or a asteroid because the plane suddenly dropped in altitude, everyones head simultaneously hit the overhead compartments, and then before anyone could think of how loud they wanted to scream- we took a violent left, and all the lights on board started flashing. the pilot came on the radio and said something, but i was too busy wondering why it was my time to die. 20 minutes later we were on the ground. ha! not dead, again. but the joke would soon be on me, because it was 4:30am, and there wasn't one bar open in the entire airport. and when one did open at 6am, they didn't serve alcohol until 9. add the absence of a power cord for my laptop, and shyt wasn't looking too good for piFF. after dining on sour skittles, and one of Burger Kings healthy breakfast combo, i boarded my flight to J'ville. did i mention i was in the airport for 4hrs? well, i was.
i landed in Jacksonville, around 10:30am. i'd told my friends to meet me at the luggage area, but somehow ended up finding my way to the bar first. after a few shots, and a discussion with a 42yr old woman about what parts of her body were pierced, i was on my way to Jacksonville beach. or is it called Atlantic beach? i should read signs more often. i think its Jacksonville beach though. the club Jason spins, and his girl bartends ats called the Atlantic though. im more than positive of that, because later that same night, i was at the Atlantic and who walks in? none other than Skateboard P himself. i figured now's a better time than ever to get my photo-op, so ladies and gentleman, i present to you, piFF & Pharrell.....
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
afukkinmazing. i really wish he'd quit doing that shyt with his hands though. after throwing a few back with Skateboard P, i turn around, and its none other than Jason Kurtzo. good mother of an albino yeti, was this turning into a fukkin day! i immediately direct Kurtzo to the front door, and a waiting cab thats taking us to the localy piFFlery supplier. hey, i only smuggled over a joint or two of that Cali piFF, and i dont know about yall, but i like to get straight like 9:15 minutes after touchdown. but this is where i'd cheat death for a second time in 24hrs. Kurtzo, it would be his first. as we get to our destination, something between the cabbie and Kurtzo was said, and next thing i know theres a wad of dollars being thrown at the cabbies face. uh oh. i go to get out the cab, and the cab driver floors it and starts trying to plow down Kurtzo. were fishtailing in peoples yards, barely missing cars, and whatever else people have in their yard, and then the cab driver takes off up the road a few blocks. the dude looks back at me and says, "get the fukk out.. and tell your friend imma kill his ass...". i look at dude, and go,"man, i aint even got a fukkin ID, and you out here trying to kill people with me in the car?!! i aint trying to be fukked up with yall anyways man... open this muthafukkin door!" i made my way back to the club, had a drink and went to Krystals. the next day, i woke up with half a Krystal burger on my chest.. this was my first day in town. if that was any indication of how life here is, i don't think i ever wanna leave..