Thursday, September 28, 2006

japanese spike lees, pakastani ninja turtles, and black pirates

last night, i'm positive i fell asleep on the couch. but somehow, today, i woke up on the floor. some of the best things happen to those who sleep. well... at least for me it does. take the tuesday for instance. i was sleeping at the normal hour of 1pm, and my friend Takeo calls. Takeo eng'wish isnt so goud, so lemme somewhat translate what he said:

"hel'wro..? Cryde...?"

"yeah- who the fukk is this.."

"hel'wro... Cryde?! its Krah'keoooo! Heeeyy!! I wraunted to know if you uh... bee'say today, and want to crumb wif' me and my friend to uh.. how do you say(typing into his translater.. trust me, i can hear him) go skate for Yapanese Wrautch commercial.. eh, eh, how do you say? G-Shock.."

"fukk Takeo, what time is it..."

"its wr'ike- wr'one fur'ty!! C'mon man. EEt'll be faun. you know... go skaaaate, maybe- you know.. cheee'il downtown. you get paid t..."

"thats weird. im awake now. where are you..?"

"im wr'ike.. maybe a brock away from you.. you ready? i pick you up... i got zea'weed too man! yeeeaaah Cryde!"

"dude.. just roll through because i honestly cant understand what the fukk you're saying, and furthermore- its 1pm."

so him and the Yapanese Spike Wree roll ph'rough

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Yapanese Spike Wree

we go grab my man Ehr'dic(as Takeo would say..), somehow end up here..

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artwork by Cartoon(that says LA by the way..)

and no less than 20 minutes and a few fratgwound kricks later, im on my way back home plus a hundred bucks richer. jeah! moral to this story- stay asleep. it worked for that autistic kid in St.Elsewhere for years, and the sad part is- none of yall wouldve known thats what the entire show was about if i didnt just mention that...

dont feel so dumb though. heres yet another good reason not to. roll the tape boys..

"uhh... uhh... WHY are they listening to "Cookies" by Ciara, gangsta grilling AND doing karate in the house...?", some of you may be asking yourself at this point. what im trying to figure out is- WHAT kinda video camera doesn't come with a fukkin tripod?! oh yeah- those video cameras from last century thats shaped like a fukkin Dodge caravan! smh.. true story- these dudes look like some broke ass Pakastani Ninja Turtles. wrap it up

wanna see the new minority report promo? here ya go..

now quit being lazy, sign up and leave a comment.. it doesnt take that long. i promise. its takes half the time of the following things: stalking your exes myspace, stalking your friends myspace for comments about you, thinking about the last time something exciting happened to you then elaborating on it, and lastly, stalking myspace like a low-life loser.

speaking of losers. were there ever any black pirates. hol on. lemme check google, because google knows ehhhhvrything-

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whut the...?

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and i thought national geographic was informative.. smh. this is why im glad i dont have kids, and if i did, id be glad if they didnt go to public schooling. now call me crazy, but these n!ggas dont look like no pirates! the white dude in the pirate suit- now THATS a pirate. he looks "nautical"... but the black dude.. im sorry, but that ain't no damn pirate! if thats a "pirate", theres alot of these muthafukkers living off Sunset, in Venice Beach and downtown LA.. actually, they damn sho'll do smell like pirates! like how i snuck that ebonic in there? im ghost.. u bast'ids!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


you ever been standing on a patio drinkin sangria, look over at a fight, and been like, ".... whoa!?! is that dude getting stabbed..?" only to get a closer look, and realize that not only was i just 6ft away from a dude getting stomped/stabbed, but the poor dude convulsing on the ground bleeding from the head- was mentally challenged. i really dont wanna go on more about it, but i personally never saw a dead man standing(in reference to the lame that did stomping) and felt the urge to let people know..

on to gooder things.. here ya go

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(good lookin out mackdeep..)

when was weird al yankovich EVER funny? dudes like the Jewish mix between Carrotop, and William Hung- annoying, off-key, and looks like his breaf' always smells like something either pecan, or ham scented. Yeah. ham scented.... id personally rather watch this kid. roll the tape!

gaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwddaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmnnn!!!!!! thank the earth for youtube! yall know theres a now too right? ill go ahead and save you the 2nd hand embarrassment of going there and tell you its completely fukkin disgusting. disgusting like girls who think they're somewhat fine, but look like they got hit in the stomach with a shovel full of pudding, disgusting. or disgusting like the permanent gleam of crack-sheen thats always on Flava Flav's neck, disgusting.

im outta here. i figured out how to blog from my phone so if anyone gets stomped out, smells like a pecen-ham sam'ich or any woman have a oddly distorted marsupiate pouch- ill let it be known. jeah!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

the day after the day before yeaterdays blog!

nope.. i no longer endorse Troop apparel ANYMORE. wanna see why?

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exactly. thats why.. i showed up @ ASR, and that was in the catalog along w/my image. theres more, but you'll have to wait for an upcoming issue of theskateboardmag for my complete and total ethering. and people thought i was crazy not to sign a contract.. smh

So.. Im walking out of Brooklyn Projects(my local shop on Melrose..), in mid conversation w/micheal rappaport, and me and a black kid literally almost skate directly into each other.. The conversation goes as followed..

“whats up, mayn..”

“whaddup fam... Hey?! Are you clyde singleton?!”

“yeah... Holy shit! Lupe?”

“oh shit!! (pointing to his friend)clyde singleton.. !”

“oh scnhapps!! You’re that rapper kid hugh..”

Hip hop handshakes, hugs, etc.....

“hey. You still makin that video right..?”

“yup... You got some......”

Turns to his friend, “yo.. Give this dude whatever he needs... Here, as a matter of fact- take my email and contact me personally.. Ill make sure you get whatever you want.”

Stood left in amazement.

turned to Micheal Rappaport

"what... the hell.. just happened?"

"i dont know, but he was rude to that girl in there i think.. (half jokingly)imma download his album now..!"

"i dont know. he was alright by me. plus- he was skating!! wow. imma get you the album for free.. i got his contact info cause he's gonna give me music for my video.."

"alright.. you be easy."

hiphop hugs, handshakes, etc...

now if thats not weird enough, me and my guh'rl was eating at Bossa Nova 20 minutes later, i look down, and theres a black widow in my cornbread. A FUKKIN BLACK WIDOW!!! as any decent man would do, I immediately ran into action and swatted the spider onto my guh'rl, and saved the cornbread. oddly enough, not even 4 minutes afterwards, i was eatin garlic toast and my tooth cracked in half. i wish i could make all this up, but unfortunately its all true to the word. gotta run. headed to Mann's for this Jackass2 jumpoff, once again- with no ID. hey, its aint easy convincing the DMV to put Piff on your ID. im out.. for now

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Lost Angeles Times: Vol Wuh'n

recently went to my first prom, and my outfit consisted of the following:
camo shorts
white tee
half Cabs minus socks
i personally plan to get married in the same outfit, and hopefully by then, they'll finally make some lotion that'll penetrate the layer of ash between my heel and achilles. whats the name of that area anyways? who knows, but i swear, sometimes i'll look down behind my ankle and it looks like i just did the long jump into a big pit of white doughnuts...

some could people could find that embarrassing.. personally, i settle for shit like this to ease my need for a daily dose of 2nd hand embarrassment. roll the tape..

jesus.. and for those of you who dont know whats goin on- why care.. i mean cmon. theres a white dude chewing on bullets!!! and ain't that the entire staff of Best Buy? and who threatens people on youtube? smh...

the other night i was eatin dinner w/ma gu'rhl & some friends, turned around, and there was John Elway. no biggie. just JOHN FUKKIN ELWAY. and the other-other day, well last week, i was in a full conversation w/some Roller Derby gu'rhls, and up walked Bishop Don Magic Jaun. now THIS, i found to be somewhat amazing because i couldnt tell if he was wearing a rug, or a fukkin cape! seriously- who walks around with a goblet, wearin a fukkin cape? thats literally- some super niggerish shit right there....

so i went to this Banksy thing this weekend, and saw a elephant painted pink.. yeah pink. so anyways, at the door they give you these flyers that read something to the tune of "don't be alarmed.. theres a elephant in the room." personally i think the shit shouldve said, " dont be alarmed, theres a elephant in the room that probably smells better than 80% of the people staring at it.." in all fairness, the exzibit was cool and all, but DAMN- it smell't like the inside of a viking helmet in that joint. at one point, i shit you not, even the elephant walked outside to take a breather.

the Stealers are bums, and we proved it Monday night. go home and mine some coal, or whatever it is yall do. and id like to personally thank kt for callin on some "grown man shit", and congratulating the Jags. other than that... the Jags>Matt Miller's current "Stealer"s collection. im out.. mr.904, piff huxtable. jeah!

oh yeah... the videos almost done. wanna see the promos again?

minority report 1.5

minority report 2.5

im really out this time..