Thursday, November 23, 2006

MINORITY REPORT VIDEO PREMIER!!! come enjoy the piFFlery!!

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

3-day piffstravaganzah(stans, magic pizza, & luke piffson)

first, for all you Stans, if you have no idea exactly what a Stan is, i found this for yall....

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wow... i should make a sticker of this piFF. if you fall under this category, chances are you hang out on comment pages, leave super e-motional comments. and usually have no idea what the hell your talking about. in related news- that quote above really should be a sticker.. true story.

i skated the bowl at Skatelabs DVS/theSkateboardmag party for so long friday night, i forgot they even had beer there! sounds all good, but i woke up the next day at noon mummified, immediatley jumped on the highway to Blingfest only to find out a hour later- we were 15 miles from home. AND the 15 was closed. needless to say we u-turned into what would be one of the best, yet possibly strangest nights of my entire life.

so knoxville calls around 6 and invites me and my girl over to watch both the Paquaio/Morales & Hughes/St.Pierre fights at his crib. now i know these dudes well, and the first thing that comes to mind is that BIG ASS FIST in Jackass 2 that would knock everyone the fukk out when they rang the doorbell at his crib. so as we approach the front gate, i "get a phone call", and being the gentlemen i be, i politely ask my girl to ring the doorbell. after safely making it inside, we're offered some pizza. i just remember being extremely happy from that point out. the pizza was magic. trust piFF. so 2 knockouts later, i'm so drunk im "blacking in" and i realize im laughing like im at home w/Luke Wilson, Greg Kinnear, & one of the Farrelly brothers. many o' shots of patron later, Luke Wilson has my original reel to Minority Report in his pocket, and next thing i know- i woke up on my couch at 3am, patting my pockets. shit! the smart thing to do- i wake shelton up, start drinking, and explaining my night. the look on his face was priceless. "hold on.. you woke me up to.. dude. you were drunk as shit, and passed out when i came home. you SURE you werent dreaming this..." wow. now i need backup. i call my girl at 5am, and ask her what the hell happened. she said she had my video, told me i should check my voicemail, and hung up in my face before i could ask if we could come over(like it was 3pm or some shit..) so i check my voicemail, the first goes, "hey clyde. this is johnny knoxville. you and luke are standing 2ft in front of me at my house, and i took your video from him and put it in my cookie jar.. call me or come by tomorrow and get it. im pretty sure you'll need it.". wow.. message #2. "hello. clyde, this is johnny knoxville again. i just took your tape out of the cookie jar and now its in your girls purse... oh yeah. before i go, i wanna do my best Clyde impreesion.." in steps Luke Wilson on the phone, "somebody say yeah nigga..." i shit you not, if you can imagine that dude saying that quote in his tone.. im not kidding- I OWN ,QUITE POSSIBLY THE piFFEST VOICEMAIL IN THE HISTORY OF CELL PHONES. and no- i wont sell it. no one would ever believe that, but now that theres proof, i dont feel so crazy.

speaking of proof, im pretty sure you've all seen this, but damn.. this is PA-FUKKINTHETIC. how can you look at this guy the same again? i never thought he was that funny, but damn.. in this day in age, to do and say something like THIS(because youre gettting heckled), and then go on Letterman and say youre "NOT a racist"...... youre truly sad. as Sinbad said, "you have to be racist to say something like that. you cant just make that up..". Kramer- youre a pathetic waste of human skin. seriously.

anybody see the Jaguar game last night? yeah, Girard did have a good game, but what was Jay-Z doing in Jacksonville is the real question im thinking. i wonder if he had some Jenkins Bar-b-que too? theres enough salt in that shit to kill a ocean full of slugs.. mmm! thats what im talking about!

heres confirmed dates and times for the upcoming premieres of Minorty Report video:

November 28th- San Francisco, Ca @ one11mina 9pm-2am
November 30th- New York City @ 205 9pm
December 2nd- New York City(3 showings in one day)@ KCDC 3pm, Rival 6pm, Enids 10pm
December 5th- Los Angeles, CA @ Mandrake 9pm

THE PROMOTIONAL FLYER W/ALL DATES & TIMES WILL BE POSTED LATER TODAY(there will also be more dates & times added). until then.. be easy, and stay away from pizza. jeah!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

my last 20tf4r

last night, i was taking out the garbage and some genius decided to leave a full box of BRAND NEW Fleer baseball, and football cards in my hallway(some still in the wrapper, w/that horrible paink gum), and now piFF rich. thats how i said it when i found the box too. "piFF rich..", like dude in that Geico commercial. anyways, i now own a bix ass box of brnd new cards from Superbowl 2 and possibly Fred Flintstones Water Buffaloes Baserock team. mekalekahei-mekaheimi-hoh. what?!?! im riiich biiitch!

speaking of Ashy Larry, trues story, i was going by Sals to show him the video, and i walk in the door of SLB the same time as Ashy Larry! true fukkin story mayn! and the funny thing is, dude was REALLY ashy! not "ashy" ashy, but this niccuh wasnt "moist" if you know what im sayin. cocoa butters a good thing for some brothers is all i can say. i was straight- disappointed. i went to Supreme and showed Javier and Scott johnston the video, and said id be back to have a sneak premiere @ 6, but ended up calling t-mobile to replace my phone. before i tell you this story, heres a few places you wanna be in the next few day. i dont know if you can get in the DVS joint, but if you do, you mightm stumble upon a Minority Report viewing session... hmmm.

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back to the phone company/insurance idiots at T-mobile. ill tell yall what, i was on the phone with the damn insurance company longer than a hurricane victim. the lady was asking me dumb ass questions like "is the screen cracked? is there water in it? is it doin the moonwalk with one green sock and one flip-flop?" im like," listen bitch- the phones broken. shit breaks. even your expensive phones. its okay... can you just file my claim, take this damn credit card number, and put my phone in the mail?" moral to this story- telecommunicators are, and will NEVER, work for NASA or anything that requires any "skill". especially any sweet skills.

before i go, im having 4 premiers in one day, in one city. think i cant fit the other 8 premieres in the next 30 days from here to Toronto either? and whats Pat Duffy got to do with any of this? hmm? im outta here... jeah!

in heavy rotation-
Fat Joe: Drama(clap&revolver).. fukk it. the whole albums piFF.
Sadat X: Black October
Mickey Avalon: My D*ck (w/Dirt Nasty & Andre Legacy)
Royksopp: Remind Me
Diddy: the Future

Monday, November 13, 2006

Blog Royksopp

this blog is brought to you by my new favorite song(and commercial).. roll the tape boys

im sorry, but that songs straight propane-piFF. and if you dont kno- the videos DONE. its a wrap. Minority Report in finer stores, December 13th. im in such a good mood- fukk it. imma leak the ad too.

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and ive replaced Nyjah Huston & his dad, with a more reliable guy and that guys Shruiken Shannon. the dudes a beast, and futhermore, i didnt have to contact his dad 30 times just to get a few tricks. sorry Nyjah, Nyjahs dad, and congratulations to Shruiken and the rest of the cast of whats to be the piFFest video since 20shot sequence. true story.

and in reference to that bummy ass, ole Lando Carissian lookin, with a Splinter mustache having nikkuh who had the nerve to say my name.. im gonna say this once and leave it here- why cant somebody important or relevant diss me? why is it always some bummy ass dude who grabs backside off a railslide, or does 5-trick raildslide combo on ledges? why is that? why is it, its always some dude who's never skated anything above 2ft tall? these dudes kill me man. im outta here. gotta finish up some finer things on the vid, and this week there'll be viewing sessions. where? email me, and i might tell you.

p.s. im having a premiere in my hometown Jacksonville, florida over the xmas holidays, and i guess i just ruined a suprise huh? oh wel...... jeah!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

kenny BLoggins..

before i get started, lemme let you in on this important political ad... roll the tape...

uhh... uhhh.. what the fuukk was that?!?! and how did i find that, is the next goodest question? and yes folks- that is real, and if you don't believe me, heres his web address what more can i say, but god bless the bible belt. what a fuckwad.

now that all the slutty cops, nurses, and half-dead hoes, have gone back to their regular half-dead slutty selves, i figured nows a better time than ever to let everyone know, Minority Report will be done in 2 weeks. thats right. and when im done with that, iim gonna start the year off by completly ethering two people, just for bringing my fukkin name up.. and when i do what i do, dont nobody be on some, "that was wrong.." shit. story goes- Thrasher asked me to go on KOTR tour, i decided i didnt wanna be a "mystery black skater"(what the fukk is a "MYSTERY BLACK SKATER".. ?!?!), then outta nowhere Shiloh decides he wants to bring my name up.. wow. this old, Gregory Hines lookin ass n!gga talkin about HE got insulted being "grouped" w/me?!?! bwaaaahahahahahhahahaaa!!! i would be too. i mean, theres a HUGE difference between both you and I. HUGE. my fanbase exist. yours- dont. my careers relevant, yours- not/hasnt been since last century sometime. you- gotta get drunk to actually start believing youre relevant/legend status/halfway rememberable since the year 1994. me( while looking at you)- "damn homie.. in high school u was the man homie, WHAT THE FUKK HAPPENED TO YOU?!!?" and yall thought it was bad enough i called him Gregory Hines.. bwaaaahahahahhahahaha! and the magazine on the other hand.. im actually gonna be somewhat "fair", and find out WHO wrote the shit first, because im the type of dude to pull one person out the crowd, then expose his faggotry. in this case, id say it was Mike Burnett. Mike still must be mad about that time 2yrs ago when i simply just didnt wanna skate with him. nothing more. nothing less. i didnt HAVE to, so why would i WANT to? top that with not going on their lil tour, and you have a woman scorned. in Shilohs case, we just got a 2006, true to life Stan. actually, these two have taken their Stannery to a whole nother level. lord forgive me for what i gotta do to Stanley.. please.

so what else? oh, so i was watching good Day LA last friday, and right before Barak Obama was to go off the air, the Steve whoevermahjibblets-seated in-the-middle, called him "Yosama, YoMamma.. or whatever your name is..". Now how and why id make this up- i dont know. why or how no ones heard or seen this- is well beyond me. anyways, im voting for this dude in 2008, and so should you. i also plan to have a photo ID by the year 2007.. true story. really quick- how the fukk have i not had an ID for 6 months and been cool? im out.. i got a video to finish. and go get Doctors Advocate. if you dont got it, hit my email, and maybe ill give u the link. maybe... jeah!