Wednesday, May 30, 2007

who's losing the human race: pt 4r

first off.. its about to be a loooooooong, hot summer. so if your shaped like any of the following:
-small water mammal
-Milk Dud w/limbs
-a baby hippos, leg

please refrain from wearing anything that'll show any part of your body from the neck down. and while im at- what the frukk happened to this nikkuh!?!.. bwaaahahahahaahha.. im back! roll the fukkin tape!

dumb bish.. talm bout being the "butt" of a joke. damn. so, who else watched the Martin marathon that night. i did. and just because- congratulations to Rampage Jackson for thawing the "Ice Man" in less than 2 minutes, last weekend. for those who dont know- that was the 2ND time he whupped Chucks ass. this time though, he did it at "Chucks house", to make the shyt a little more personal. to be honest- theres nothing more discouraging, or personal to a man, than to get his ass whooped in front of his wife/girl, his kids, or house. chuck lumped all three into 1:53. damn..

really quik- whats disturbing about this Beanie Sigel clip....

okay. who wants to speak first. no one..?!?! its cool. i'll start with- DRUGS. stay off em, and u wont have to make "excuses" for doing shyt on this level of faggotry. i showed my friend Russell this, and this was his reply:
"I don't care HOW high you are, it was hard to watch. and that dude was not lyrically awesome enough to elicit that type of man-love..."- Russell Bongard.
Russells one of the funniest people on the planet earth, and today we successfully hooked up my friend Michelle, with his hairy, scumbag of a fukk boss/friend who tries to get my girl everytime hes around- Marcus. why we did this, is beyond me. then again- in unrelated news, i think im bout to be getting tons of free porn! plus getting paid to write about it! i guess today was one of them days.. speaking of which...

since my 2 previous blogs, its come to my attention that ive been let go(fired) from not only my duties at a few skateboard publications, but all my corporate sponsors, as well as TV slots, etc.. yeah. its a wrap folks... now, if you're dumb enough to actually believe that, you're probly dumb enough to actually believe i wasn't sitting in a bar next to the same contest, with (insert name here) while that same contest was going on, discussing the same thing i wrote about. now, does it make sense why i do what i do, or should i have to explain everything? and by the way- i got MORE jobs, and money since then. shyt, i even got a new crib on the top floor! so to you wishing my downfall, good luck. 'cause like P said, "Gods my boss.. so, i 'ont even know what yall talm bout." with that said- i will be on tour, and tv- ALL SUMMER. as a matter uh fact- i gotta take this business call... i told you it was gonna be a looooong, hot summer. be easy, yall. jeah!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

laughin straight to the bank w/this... bwahahahahaha.. bwahahahaha!

damn! did you see all the buzz i generated on the net yesterday?! damn! bwaaahahahahahahaha.. hold on.. hold on.. im a "kook"?! bwaahahahahahaa.. what the fukkery, is a "kook"? that sound like some shit they was saying last century! definantly must've been some old dude... and then they say, im "old"? "old"?! HA! im 32 years young! plus, im in the best shape of my life! why one would assume im "old", or "washed up"- is beyond explanation. yeah- i took a year off skating professionally. but call me crazy, i think i've accomplished more than some folks(even those "in the industry") within said year, than most of these "anonymous" bums have their WHOLE LIFE. hold on. LIFE! so... i guess we cleared that one up. now, onto am i "racist"? yes. im actually so racist, i 'ont even buy white light bulbs. if you don't believe me, ask my girl, all my friends & employers. all 70% of em- whom are white. see, thats why it always baffles me, who comes up with half the responses written on message boards. 9 times outta ten, its some disgruntled guy who NEVER made it, not only in skateboarding, but at anything in life. they probably NEVER had the gall to say what they really feel, so of course they'd "anonymously" get all e-motional on the net about shit. but lemme tell yall something. see, whenever i see this kinda faqquit up front and personal, all that that tough guy, e-talk diminshes to, "so... want a beer, dude...?" man, keyboards make people pussier than Pink. and thats why i ain't ever worried about yall.. eh'rybody, i mean EH'RYBODY knows what i look like. but heres the catch world- i bet NOBODY aint gonna say, or do half the shit they clack up on their keyboards. and i'll put that on ANYTHING. they dont got the HEART to. so look. if i say i went to a contest, i write a blog explaining why i didnt enjoy watching a bunch of over-age men skating a pool(1)- it aint nothing short of ok to me. because i know, as well as anyone else, not only was it the TRUTH- but no matter how much you don't like what i say or write, I BET YOU AINT GONNNA SAY, NOR DO SHYT TO ME IN PERSON. I FUKKIN DARE YOU. and with that said, thanks for plugging my name/blog all over the internet. on my dead lil brother- i promise i aint goin nowhere, no time soon. i got the eye of a lion, and the heart of bear. thats why im here, and you standing over there. and this aint no "because", nikkuh. this is God willing. im chosen. deal with it, faqquit. in closing, if you still feel really gully about anything i say, how about when you're old ass sees me, challenge me in a game of skate or some one-on-one boxing in front of your family and kids, so i can really son your ass into oblivion... ill show you why you, your wife & kids REALLY call me "that nikkuh". ill be back...and until then, don't forget- take ya Geritol you ole Wilford Brimley, w/oatmeal for bushing, kick turning ass bast'ids.. and next time- IM REALLY SAYING YA NAME. once again, thanks to all the REAL ex-professional(2) who participated this weekend. and i apologize to everyone who had to watch anyone besides Chris miller, Ben Schreoder, Duane Peters, Buck Smith, and a the select few PROS who were coupled with them. and maybe, just maybe, if some folks whom i were seated in front of whom PAID to sit there and watch weren't as vocal about what i elaborated on, this discussion wouldnt even be relevant. and to whomever feels some other way- the challenge is right there... for spot. trick for trick... i got all the time, money, and energy in the world. everybody else- enjoy skateboarding, learn how to take a joke, and remember- what kills you, only makes me stronger. and hate last longer than love, peace to all..

-(1) the beauty of the previous blog, and anyone in particular taking offense to it, was NO ONES name was mentioned! which in turn means theres a bunch of sensitive old men who didnt get a single clap during their run, or must not have gotten a trophy, and STILL has their Depends all tied up in a knot... walk it off, old man. maybe next year. maybe next year.....

-(2)not you ole Bob Costas, "oh yeah, im pro too" side-line sum'muh a bitches...

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

a flying baby= a good blog! no. it really does though..

so, monday morning i was casually cruising down the 405, probly listening to this piFF, and next thing i know, i fukkin car hood comes flying past my whip. no. im serious though. a car- hood! whole thing.. so after listening to a few more bars off that Duval classic, i slowed down and saw some Hispanish guy in the middle lane going about 40, and lo and behold, he was hood-less! damn. and he didnt even stop. sum'mah uh bitch! i hope this was his baby.. roll the tape

bwaaaahahahhaahahhahahahhahahahha... hold on. im sorry. okay so.. bwaahahahhahahahahahahhaha.. that lil nigguh did the matrix, but in real life! DAYUM! thats possibly my goodest clip to date.. he kicked that lil bastard like some shyt outta Tekken 3.. i love the internet. sometimes.....

so i went to the Vans pool contest in Orange County this weekend, and... and... well, lets get straight to the chase. First, Steve Steaham was there. and somehow this guy had a your bus. then, upon closer examination, we saw what we THOUGHT was a tour bus, was actually a OLD GEYHOUND w/a bunch of banners & stickers on it. uhh.. congratulations on ya lil "tour-bus(?)" and and all, but- damn. im just gonna be the first to say it, and this isnt directed directly just at Steadham. "WILL YOU OLD GUYS JUST PLEASE LEAVE PROFESSIONAL SKATEBOARDING ALONE, AND JUST ENJOY(AKA BE A FAN)? look. its becoming painfully obvious to watch you old dudes try to come out in magazines, contest, etc re-living your "2nd youth", and trying to shine right now. but- you're OLD MEN. you should be at home doing old men things like taking Geritol, playing with your kid(s), teaching them little shits how to read and write, fixing your home up or an even better idea- hanging out w/people who are and act your age. some of you dudes, man.. i nominate we just change some contest to "ok. we'll just let these cavemen skate while we tally up the REAL competitors scores, and just give some of these old fukks a trophy" division.

how to have a nightmare, and wake up in cold sweat
-buy the best weed in the universe
-make chinese chicken salad, then wash it down with 1 gallon of VERY sugary kool-aid
-proceed to smoke best weed ever created
-prop pillow up to begin watching Warriors/Jazz game
-wake up @ 8am in a cold sweat, to be told my grinding teeth can be heard from behind an adjacent door, 20ft away

yup... and for breakfast- i had kool-aid, a burrito, and coffee. i was about to smoke again, but until i figure out which planet my body just came back from, i dont think thats the best of ideas . i wonder why i do that? ill have the worst nightmare, and sleep through that shit like its a movie! but, in real life, you get a lizard within a 3ft vicinity of me, they might be taking skin graphs off your ass cheeks to replace all the skin that use'ta be on your face.. how they say it in the A? "...beat a nikkuh in da headlau'hk!!"

damn. i gotta gee'oh. if you got a pc, here a free B-ball game to play to keep you entertained due to the lack of Baron Davis, or anyone else worth watching until the Pistons play Detroit. Happy Birthday to my girl Joh, and lastly, Justin- quit drinking so fukkin much. shits disgusting mayn. but on another note its a good thing too. i mean, you drink so much, you make other people realize why they don't wanna drink at all! oh yeah- Rot In Peace to Jerry Falwell. now, that dudes- going to hell. straight up... im out yall... jeah!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

whos losing the human race- da Trill'ogy

Before i get started, in case u were one of the dumb asses who missed B.Diddy teabag Kirilenko in last nights Warriors/Jazz game, i got you.. so, the other day, Griffith Park here in sunny LA went up in flames. lucky enough, everyone was evacuated in time, as well as the L.A. Zoo. what you may not know, is if they were to evacuate the entire Zoo, is the first animal they'd get out- is the California Condor. a fukkin bird... damn. if you think thats stupid, definantly probly gonna have a few words about this then...

eh, before you decide to think, or speak- it only gets gooder.. here ya go

now THAT.. THAT shit right there... is some unjustifiable, creepy, what the fukkery of a.... uh-oh.. hold on(holds earpiece..). we got a another special briefing on the pure ignorancy of the human race.. lets tune in folks...

uhhh.... okay. so.. hmmm. fukk it. so, im not scared to ask- do ANY OF THESE KIDS HAVE PARENTS? cause im just gonna go out on a limb here, and say that ALL this shyt- is weird. and not weird like, "madonna & pope john paul were part of the illuminati.." weird, but "the way they sprinkle pink powder on shit, and call it strawberry-flavored" weird. im outta here. its the weekend, and theres a pool party up in the hills. good luck dealing with what id say is my best, yet worst, blog to date.. aww, fukk it. ill leave yall with some good ole Bobby Brown. my ninja!

bwaaahahahahahahhahahahahah... this nikkah cracked his knuckles, & shyt got REAL serious in the room. clawd hammercy! i dont know the name of the program, but im just gonna assume a show where you lock yourself in a room w/bobby brown(or whomever) for 24 hours, is damn good television. fukk it. european tv>whatever lame ass, satellite or cable company you pay too much for. im really out this time.. before i go, good luck to my man "Cookie Head" Jenkins, in the Vans Pro Pool Contest this weekend. what? his names really "cookie head"?! see. piFF dont lie... jeah!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

turkeys can't 'oink'..

So, Don Imus gets fired, and next thing you know- the word bitch, hoe, and nigga/er are all found to have been fathered by none other than hip-hop. and just in case you weren't paying attention- some white dudes found kryptonite... with that said, i give you the first black SuperHero.. roll the tape..

gaaaaaawdayum! that nikkuh look't like George of the Jungle in that clip! ole boy hit that rock so hard, his body went limp like a fruit roll-up! and, why the fukk was he bunging jumping outta a car, at nighttime, anyways? actually, who cares. thats probly one of the funniest clips in a minute...

i got a quik question. why the fukk do black people wear chain wallets? seriously. you'd think the word "chain" in itself would throw people off, but obviously thats not been the case. fortunately enough for you, i've already traveled to the future, and the next big thing in fashion are jeans with shackle prints around the ankles, and shirts with all over prints of slashes from whips... remember who told you first.

whats the deal with this new planet? i wonder if they carry Neiratko's new book out that bitch? i also wonder if people know i dont work for, nor do a moderate for youtube, so please quit sending me clips. unless its something like this..

Claaaawd Hammercy! what kind of fukkery.... you see that last trick? and was dem Bugle Boys that nikkuh had on?! he shoulda checked out this lank. im sayin though. im out. i got shyt to do, like find an apartment, and do some editorial for people who actually pay me. and remember people- turkeys cant 'oink', so in conclusion, theres really no such thing as "turkey bacon". just wanted to say that... jeah!